Dear all,
I am a strong believer that life is all about experimenting and challenging yourself with the different things that you never thought you will be able to do. Life is also about knowing and learning of all your strength and weaknesses. To become someone that you have always wanted to be, to see life in a very different perspective.
Knowing how short life is, I decided to challenge myself; to seek the other side of myself. So, I have decided to jump straight into the world of poetry, rhymes and all those in between. I have my own collection of poems that I had penned down years back. But it had such a strong sentimental and emotional value; that I decided not to share it as yet with no one; especially posting it here in my blog. Those poems were made when my Mom was around, and she will be the first reader for all of my poems. To share it here without her presence, still seemed to be an awkward and selfish idea. Maybe someday, I will have the courage to do so.
And thus, I have decided to share my very first poem created just for my blog. It's not as amazing as other people. But this work is entirely mine; and yes, I am so proud of it. Regardless of what others might say, this is a start; and more will soon come. Anyway, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for it and let's just hope it turn out alright :)
This poem of mine is entitled 'I and That Beautiful Winter' and was mainly inspired from the various songs I heard throughout my long holiday. I am an eclectic music collector and I listen to all genres; but at this moment; country is my liking. I personally feel that this poem is somehow quite dark as it talks about disappointments in life, end of hope and death. Nonetheless, it also channels the message of hope, love, faith, destiny and to cherish life while it lasts; because I believe all of us are created and sent with unified missions from God; to change and touch the lives of the people around us in small yet various ways.
My credit also goes to Rascal Flatts and Brad Paisley for their inspirational songs; that have never failed to accompany me during the dark and cold nights. And of course my dear Mummy, who had never stop believing in me and all of my skills. The faith and trust is so strong; that I can still touched it until now. This is for you Mummy; for I am your little pencil...writing and sharing your love and inspirations to the world. I love you forever.
Well, here goes :
I AND THAT BEAUTIFUL WINTER
Dear Winter
I am just an old man
Waiting for my time
Adamant and slow
What kills me is the waiting
Take me Winter and end me
So that these tears will dry up forever
Let me be with my Jess
For she is the Queen of my Heart
For I have pained with cruel yet slow death
Take me for there is no immortal love for this dying soul
Dear Old Man at the window
I have watched you for seasons
Dry and cold
Even colder than I am
Jump the ledge I would say
End the misery I would tell
Pass the pain to the Angels
But I would never interfere in the work of God
I too have suffered
I too have been betrayed
I too have been killed
But goodbyes are impossible for me
For the love of these mortal creatures
Lifts me up every single minute
Dear Winter
Is all are lost for me?
For I am weak and arrogant
I have leave all the things and people
That have cared and loved me most
Will they still send me; this poor soul
To the dark and cold kingdom; smiling kindly
When my time is over?
Will they send me with love?
Or deep hatred in their fragile hearts?
I do not know; for I will never know
All I seek is redemption and forgiveness
Show me, whisper to me Winter
For my time is counted
And every second is pure
Old Man
Breathe, lived, smiled, cherished
For these are things that always are forgotten
By God's creatures
There's always love
There's care and sea of forgiveness
Look Old Man, look
There's the door bell
There's the sign
There's the love you're searching for
For they're waiting for you
Love, cherish and be merry they say!
For in their hearts are love so abundant
Splashing all over you and me
Birds are chirping, angels are singing; again
I will leave you now dear; but not for long
Soon I will be back
To be with you and Jess
And that Old Man, will be an eternal cold
That will be forever ours.
Love,
~ Reena ~
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Life Is Such A Short Journey Of Hopes and Dreams
Dear friends,
It has been quite sometime since I publish anything in my own blog. Not that I don't want to, I really, really do; but things are running at such a sharp and swift pace, that I myself sometimes am not able to beat its gigantic speed and momentum. The desire and strong urge in me to write has been there forever, but all I need is some space and time to put all my love and desire for writing and materialize it for all to read.
But I guess that is so no longer the excuse that I need to have it in me. Dear God, the recent news I received had somehow shaken me up and strangely, it was a cruel and cold wake up call for me. Gone are the days of day-dreaming, crying over such silly things, gone are also the days of anger, angst, disappointments, procrastination, of what ifs, would I, maybe ifs and so on. Life is short and there should not be any regrets at any corner of this very beautiful life.
I was rudely waken up by the news of the death of one of my student, who I happened to teach during my early years of entering the education spectrum. His death had somehow brought all of us in a very funny and strange way; everyone was shocked, in awed and speechless; since he was still a young man of 28 years old. Was still very early in the marriage world and he had left such a young and dainty family. His one year old daughter was not even given a chance to feel the warmth and wonderful ray of love and care of her amazing father. Dear God, how I feel so small to witness this magic and superiority of your endless miracles and fate. People say things happen for a reason, and this reason has yet to be grasp by me. All I can hoped and wished for at this darkest moment is for the family to be strong and always believe in God. God's love prevails all. And I hope the family will always know that there are loving people around them that will always support and cherished them forever. And I know that this will always remain a cliche', but I know exactly how they feel. I lost both of my parents, and the pain and tears are always visible, a burden forever to be carry by the heart.
Knowing this dark tragedy, had somehow opens and awakens myself in a strange way. As I always mentioned it, life is such a short journey, and waste no more in things that will never benefit you. When your time is up; or rather when my time is up, I wanna be ready and at least do things that I will never regret. Things that will put up the most beautiful smile in all the people closest to me. I wanna change the world in my own little profound way, so that somehow it will be better than yesterday. I wanna make people believe that there's always hope and a little ray of happiness; each time the moon steals the sun away from your universe. I'm no politician; nor someone who is rich or wealthy, or famous or even influential. I'm just someone who seek to inspire people in my own way and make them believed that yes, life is hard...but it is always, always possible. I too, have gone through such pain and suffering, that no amount of words are able to describe it, but Allah has always been there for me to lift my sadness whenever I pray. And then, I bounced back harder and bolder the next time around.
I can only wished the pain I have in my heart now would go away. That I will be back to normal, but guess what? There's nothing normal about my life. Every single time I hear death and the sadness and surprise blessings it give, somehow my determination and my perspective towards life had altered and changed. Knowing that time is such a strange virtue; the more you chase it, the more faster it's going to leave and hide from you. So now I decide, I am going to make a change in my life. Change that is not necessarily big and ultimate and gigantic or mammoth in size, but small changes in my own life. I decide my happiness. I decide my journey, I decide my direction. I decide me.
As I'm writing this, my tears are there. But no, I will not let these crystal pearls go down; as it is far too precious and I wanna save it for some rainy days in the future. My heart is heavy because maybe I'm still shaken up by the news, still in a fragile post that I myself is also not aware of. And maybe because the thought that this person, this student of mine was still at the early stage of his life. And he too may still have unchecked boxes of dreams that he still wants to achieve. I vow to take this as a reminder to myself, that life is such a wonderful, beautiful, fantastic and amazing journey. But it waits for no man. It charts its own path and map; where unchartered territories are being explored swiftly; and whether you're part of the wagon or not, it does not care. Because of that, I refused to be left behind, and forever be left in the dark. I want to be explore and reign my own kingdom and land; that follows my hearts and wishes. Time waits for no one; and yes I will start now. All I hope, when my number is up, at least I have put my own little footsteps that will bring smiles and laughter and hopes in other peoples' life too. And that is what I want to do.
Dear God, blessed me and all the people closest to me. Give me chance, give me strength, give me wisdom, give me the strongest courage, give me the will-power and most importantly; give me time to share all my dreams and wishes to all the people I loved the most.
As I end my post for today, I wanna share excerpts from the song 'Here Comes Goodbye' from my forever favorite band 'Rascal Flatts'. But before that, Daddy and Mummy, are you watching me? I missed both of you so much. Your girl has finally grown up Daddy. And Mummy, I am finally becoming a woman you wanted me to.
HERE COMES GOODBYE
Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain,
Here comes me wishing things had never changed
That she was right here in my arms tonight,
But here comes goodbye
I can hear her say I love you like it was yesterday
And I can see it written on her face that she had never felt this way
One day I thought I'd see her with her daddy by her side
And violins would play here comes the bride
But here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had
That she was right here in my arms tonight,
But here comes goodbye
~ Reena Aziz~
It has been quite sometime since I publish anything in my own blog. Not that I don't want to, I really, really do; but things are running at such a sharp and swift pace, that I myself sometimes am not able to beat its gigantic speed and momentum. The desire and strong urge in me to write has been there forever, but all I need is some space and time to put all my love and desire for writing and materialize it for all to read.
But I guess that is so no longer the excuse that I need to have it in me. Dear God, the recent news I received had somehow shaken me up and strangely, it was a cruel and cold wake up call for me. Gone are the days of day-dreaming, crying over such silly things, gone are also the days of anger, angst, disappointments, procrastination, of what ifs, would I, maybe ifs and so on. Life is short and there should not be any regrets at any corner of this very beautiful life.
I was rudely waken up by the news of the death of one of my student, who I happened to teach during my early years of entering the education spectrum. His death had somehow brought all of us in a very funny and strange way; everyone was shocked, in awed and speechless; since he was still a young man of 28 years old. Was still very early in the marriage world and he had left such a young and dainty family. His one year old daughter was not even given a chance to feel the warmth and wonderful ray of love and care of her amazing father. Dear God, how I feel so small to witness this magic and superiority of your endless miracles and fate. People say things happen for a reason, and this reason has yet to be grasp by me. All I can hoped and wished for at this darkest moment is for the family to be strong and always believe in God. God's love prevails all. And I hope the family will always know that there are loving people around them that will always support and cherished them forever. And I know that this will always remain a cliche', but I know exactly how they feel. I lost both of my parents, and the pain and tears are always visible, a burden forever to be carry by the heart.
Knowing this dark tragedy, had somehow opens and awakens myself in a strange way. As I always mentioned it, life is such a short journey, and waste no more in things that will never benefit you. When your time is up; or rather when my time is up, I wanna be ready and at least do things that I will never regret. Things that will put up the most beautiful smile in all the people closest to me. I wanna change the world in my own little profound way, so that somehow it will be better than yesterday. I wanna make people believe that there's always hope and a little ray of happiness; each time the moon steals the sun away from your universe. I'm no politician; nor someone who is rich or wealthy, or famous or even influential. I'm just someone who seek to inspire people in my own way and make them believed that yes, life is hard...but it is always, always possible. I too, have gone through such pain and suffering, that no amount of words are able to describe it, but Allah has always been there for me to lift my sadness whenever I pray. And then, I bounced back harder and bolder the next time around.
I can only wished the pain I have in my heart now would go away. That I will be back to normal, but guess what? There's nothing normal about my life. Every single time I hear death and the sadness and surprise blessings it give, somehow my determination and my perspective towards life had altered and changed. Knowing that time is such a strange virtue; the more you chase it, the more faster it's going to leave and hide from you. So now I decide, I am going to make a change in my life. Change that is not necessarily big and ultimate and gigantic or mammoth in size, but small changes in my own life. I decide my happiness. I decide my journey, I decide my direction. I decide me.
As I'm writing this, my tears are there. But no, I will not let these crystal pearls go down; as it is far too precious and I wanna save it for some rainy days in the future. My heart is heavy because maybe I'm still shaken up by the news, still in a fragile post that I myself is also not aware of. And maybe because the thought that this person, this student of mine was still at the early stage of his life. And he too may still have unchecked boxes of dreams that he still wants to achieve. I vow to take this as a reminder to myself, that life is such a wonderful, beautiful, fantastic and amazing journey. But it waits for no man. It charts its own path and map; where unchartered territories are being explored swiftly; and whether you're part of the wagon or not, it does not care. Because of that, I refused to be left behind, and forever be left in the dark. I want to be explore and reign my own kingdom and land; that follows my hearts and wishes. Time waits for no one; and yes I will start now. All I hope, when my number is up, at least I have put my own little footsteps that will bring smiles and laughter and hopes in other peoples' life too. And that is what I want to do.
Dear God, blessed me and all the people closest to me. Give me chance, give me strength, give me wisdom, give me the strongest courage, give me the will-power and most importantly; give me time to share all my dreams and wishes to all the people I loved the most.
As I end my post for today, I wanna share excerpts from the song 'Here Comes Goodbye' from my forever favorite band 'Rascal Flatts'. But before that, Daddy and Mummy, are you watching me? I missed both of you so much. Your girl has finally grown up Daddy. And Mummy, I am finally becoming a woman you wanted me to.
HERE COMES GOODBYE
Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain,
Here comes me wishing things had never changed
That she was right here in my arms tonight,
But here comes goodbye
I can hear her say I love you like it was yesterday
And I can see it written on her face that she had never felt this way
One day I thought I'd see her with her daddy by her side
And violins would play here comes the bride
But here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had
That she was right here in my arms tonight,
But here comes goodbye
~ Reena Aziz~
Thursday, January 13, 2011
My First Post! Yeay! :)
Dear all
Gosh..I am very much excited as this will be my very first post!...Ever! On this virtual land called the 'World Wide Web'. Am I excited? Heck yeah! At least now I have the very true avenue and space for me to write and start to polish my long-lost skills of writing with passion. Every single time I write, there's always crude and harsh words and comments telling me how I am wasting their time with my long, winding emails and writing. At least now, I am doing it without anyone's complaint and moans and groans..And for that, I am purely happy.
As for some people, they are veterans to this blog-writing and posting. As for me, I'm still very much new to this whole virtual writing and stuff...But a seasoned writer if you can called me based on the various things I write previously. As I'm writing my first ever post, I am being accompanied by the songs from The Band Perry. Oh how much I love them! I like all their songs; especially 'If I Die Young'. I never really like country music that much previously. But then again, listening to their songs for the very first time makes me fell head over heels for the mentioned genre.
For me, their music is pure, simple yet profound, ecstatic, intelligent, truthful and the existence of joy and calmness in each of their songs. I meant what I described above are just understatements; compared to what their music really makes me feel. Words are lost for me to describe and translate their music. I love it! And of course, my favorite song would be the one I mentioned. I loved the moment I hear it. Makes you think of life twice. How simple yet fragile life is, how life should not be filled with 'what-ifs' but rather 'I want to', 'I should be' and 'I am going to'. I learnt my lesson purely when it comes to this matter. I had encountered on many occasions how life is pure, fragile and should be embraced to the most. Life will end without you realizing it, and when you're nearing your time to the Kingdom of Heaven, what would you say to yourself? Would you say that 'I have achieved all and now I am contend' or would you be saying, 'Gosh! I wished I do the many things in life which I should be doing'.
I, for sure, would want to try my level best to do all the things I dream of doing. I know it's impossible; but at least some things that will make my Dad and Mama feel proud would be good and enough for me. I'm 32 this year, and dear God, I have not much time left. I do not want to sound too pessimistic, but heck, who knows what the future holds for me eh? What I want is at least to find some time to do all (or at least some) things that I love the most. Gardening, eating ice-creams with my friends, decorating the house, picnic at the park, home-made sandwich are all simple yet have profound meanings in my life. Who to judge? And yes, learning to play a guitar on my own would also be quite an achievement as well! :)
As I'm doing research for the song 'If I Die Young' (well, I don't normally do this, but somehow the poem from Tennyson had initiated my sense of curiosity!), I had the opportunity to learn one of the greatest poem from Lord Alfred Tennyson; entitled 'The Lady of Shallot'. How I had fallen in love with this poem, the interpretation and obsession of Tennyson to his life and all the beings around him and not to forget; I have also fallen in love with the Lady herself.
She's a beauty, and learning from the poem that she had sacrificed and died for her beliefs and not wanting to be confine to the rules imposed on her, makes me love her even more. Her beauty, her love for the people around her, her belief in finding her Lancelot, her bravery, her loneliness, her pain and her death seems so near to me. As if, I am her and I could somehow experience all her happiness and tragedies. I guess I never realized how a poem penned in 1833 would somehow bring such a great impact to someone in the year 2011. I know her so well...because in her I could see me clearly. I am her. I pained through all the experiences I had with the people and society around me. I was betrayed by the people around me for so many times. The pain and bitterness somehow had engulfed me; leaving me empty and shelled-inside. I guess that's the reason why I feel 'The Lady of Shallot' would be the perfect embodiment of myself. The only distinguished difference between us is that she had sacrificed herself for things and ideas that she believed in; and so far I have not reached to that moment as yet.
Why am I being so melancholic? Honestly, I have no idea. Seriously, I don't. Maybe looking back at my life all I could see were tears, anger, bitterness, disappointments, being cheated and the sense of aloofness and loneliness. It has been bottled up inside me all these years...and no, I never tried to deal or confront with it previously. I just let it loose somewhere in me, not knowing that it will come back to haunt me, disturbing me every single time. The nightmare seems to be more cruel and evil every single time. I may looked happy and smiling all around, but deep inside there's always this black, hollow and deep hole that will never recover and be fix by anyone or anything. It seems clearly to me now that half of me is dead; and if it's left there unattended, the other half might also follow to the dark and lonely path. I know I still have something left in me. I know things will never be the same again after the death of my Mama, but strangely I feel that I could come out from this misery and pain if I managed to find some things that are passionate and dear to me. Lo and behold, I think I know the answer. I would want to write again and express myself with my writing and poems. Mama knows how I can really write and she adores my poems. If it's going to make my Mama happy and proud from 'there', then writing it is. At least, it can be my source of liberation and freedom.
Hmmm....guess I have written quite some things up there. Well, that's a start since this is still my first post. At least, I sincerely feel I am slightly contend and purer now; compared to the previous me. I should end now, not because I am afraid what other people might think of my 'long' writing; but then again before I bore myself to death :)
I'm going to end my post with these beautiful words from the song 'If I Die Young'; which had touched me so profoundly :
'If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them'
Love...
Reena :)
Gosh..I am very much excited as this will be my very first post!...Ever! On this virtual land called the 'World Wide Web'. Am I excited? Heck yeah! At least now I have the very true avenue and space for me to write and start to polish my long-lost skills of writing with passion. Every single time I write, there's always crude and harsh words and comments telling me how I am wasting their time with my long, winding emails and writing. At least now, I am doing it without anyone's complaint and moans and groans..And for that, I am purely happy.
As for some people, they are veterans to this blog-writing and posting. As for me, I'm still very much new to this whole virtual writing and stuff...But a seasoned writer if you can called me based on the various things I write previously. As I'm writing my first ever post, I am being accompanied by the songs from The Band Perry. Oh how much I love them! I like all their songs; especially 'If I Die Young'. I never really like country music that much previously. But then again, listening to their songs for the very first time makes me fell head over heels for the mentioned genre.
For me, their music is pure, simple yet profound, ecstatic, intelligent, truthful and the existence of joy and calmness in each of their songs. I meant what I described above are just understatements; compared to what their music really makes me feel. Words are lost for me to describe and translate their music. I love it! And of course, my favorite song would be the one I mentioned. I loved the moment I hear it. Makes you think of life twice. How simple yet fragile life is, how life should not be filled with 'what-ifs' but rather 'I want to', 'I should be' and 'I am going to'. I learnt my lesson purely when it comes to this matter. I had encountered on many occasions how life is pure, fragile and should be embraced to the most. Life will end without you realizing it, and when you're nearing your time to the Kingdom of Heaven, what would you say to yourself? Would you say that 'I have achieved all and now I am contend' or would you be saying, 'Gosh! I wished I do the many things in life which I should be doing'.
I, for sure, would want to try my level best to do all the things I dream of doing. I know it's impossible; but at least some things that will make my Dad and Mama feel proud would be good and enough for me. I'm 32 this year, and dear God, I have not much time left. I do not want to sound too pessimistic, but heck, who knows what the future holds for me eh? What I want is at least to find some time to do all (or at least some) things that I love the most. Gardening, eating ice-creams with my friends, decorating the house, picnic at the park, home-made sandwich are all simple yet have profound meanings in my life. Who to judge? And yes, learning to play a guitar on my own would also be quite an achievement as well! :)
As I'm doing research for the song 'If I Die Young' (well, I don't normally do this, but somehow the poem from Tennyson had initiated my sense of curiosity!), I had the opportunity to learn one of the greatest poem from Lord Alfred Tennyson; entitled 'The Lady of Shallot'. How I had fallen in love with this poem, the interpretation and obsession of Tennyson to his life and all the beings around him and not to forget; I have also fallen in love with the Lady herself.
She's a beauty, and learning from the poem that she had sacrificed and died for her beliefs and not wanting to be confine to the rules imposed on her, makes me love her even more. Her beauty, her love for the people around her, her belief in finding her Lancelot, her bravery, her loneliness, her pain and her death seems so near to me. As if, I am her and I could somehow experience all her happiness and tragedies. I guess I never realized how a poem penned in 1833 would somehow bring such a great impact to someone in the year 2011. I know her so well...because in her I could see me clearly. I am her. I pained through all the experiences I had with the people and society around me. I was betrayed by the people around me for so many times. The pain and bitterness somehow had engulfed me; leaving me empty and shelled-inside. I guess that's the reason why I feel 'The Lady of Shallot' would be the perfect embodiment of myself. The only distinguished difference between us is that she had sacrificed herself for things and ideas that she believed in; and so far I have not reached to that moment as yet.
Why am I being so melancholic? Honestly, I have no idea. Seriously, I don't. Maybe looking back at my life all I could see were tears, anger, bitterness, disappointments, being cheated and the sense of aloofness and loneliness. It has been bottled up inside me all these years...and no, I never tried to deal or confront with it previously. I just let it loose somewhere in me, not knowing that it will come back to haunt me, disturbing me every single time. The nightmare seems to be more cruel and evil every single time. I may looked happy and smiling all around, but deep inside there's always this black, hollow and deep hole that will never recover and be fix by anyone or anything. It seems clearly to me now that half of me is dead; and if it's left there unattended, the other half might also follow to the dark and lonely path. I know I still have something left in me. I know things will never be the same again after the death of my Mama, but strangely I feel that I could come out from this misery and pain if I managed to find some things that are passionate and dear to me. Lo and behold, I think I know the answer. I would want to write again and express myself with my writing and poems. Mama knows how I can really write and she adores my poems. If it's going to make my Mama happy and proud from 'there', then writing it is. At least, it can be my source of liberation and freedom.
Hmmm....guess I have written quite some things up there. Well, that's a start since this is still my first post. At least, I sincerely feel I am slightly contend and purer now; compared to the previous me. I should end now, not because I am afraid what other people might think of my 'long' writing; but then again before I bore myself to death :)
I'm going to end my post with these beautiful words from the song 'If I Die Young'; which had touched me so profoundly :
'If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them'
Love...
Reena :)
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