My First Post! Yeay! :)

Dear all

Gosh..I am very much excited as this will be my very first post!...Ever! On this virtual land called the 'World Wide Web'. Am I excited? Heck yeah! At least now I have the very true avenue and space for me to write and start to polish my long-lost skills of writing with passion. Every single time I write, there's always crude and harsh words and comments telling me how I am wasting their time with my long, winding emails and writing. At least now, I am doing it  without anyone's complaint and moans and groans..And for that, I am purely happy.

As for some people, they are veterans to this blog-writing and posting. As for me, I'm still very much new to this whole virtual writing and stuff...But a seasoned writer if you can called me based on the various things I write previously. As I'm writing my first ever post, I am being accompanied by the songs from The Band Perry. Oh how much I love them! I like all their songs; especially 'If I Die Young'. I never really like country music that much previously. But then again, listening to their songs for the very first time makes me fell head over heels for the mentioned genre.

For me, their music is pure, simple yet profound, ecstatic, intelligent, truthful and the existence of joy and calmness in each of their songs. I meant what I described above are just understatements; compared to what their music really makes me feel. Words are lost for me to describe and translate their music. I love it! And of course, my favorite song would be the one I mentioned. I loved the moment I hear it. Makes you think of life twice. How simple yet fragile life is, how life should not be filled with 'what-ifs' but rather 'I want to', 'I should be' and 'I am going to'. I learnt my lesson purely when it comes to this matter. I had encountered on many occasions how life is pure, fragile and should be embraced to the most. Life will end without you realizing it, and when you're nearing your time to the Kingdom of Heaven, what would you say to yourself? Would you say that 'I have achieved all and now I am contend' or would you be saying, 'Gosh! I wished I do the many things in life which I should be doing'.

I, for sure, would want to try my level best to do all the things I dream of doing. I know it's impossible; but at least some things that will make my Dad and Mama feel proud would be good and enough for me. I'm 32 this year, and dear God, I have not much time left. I do not want to sound too pessimistic, but heck, who knows what the future holds for me eh? What I want is at least to find some time to do all (or at least some) things that I love the most. Gardening, eating ice-creams with my friends, decorating the house, picnic at the park, home-made sandwich are all simple yet have profound meanings in my life. Who to judge? And yes, learning to play a guitar on my own would also be quite an achievement as well! :)

As I'm doing research for the song 'If I Die Young' (well, I don't normally do this, but somehow the poem from Tennyson had initiated my sense of curiosity!), I had the opportunity to learn one of the greatest poem from Lord Alfred Tennyson; entitled 'The Lady of Shallot'. How I had fallen in love with this poem, the interpretation and obsession of Tennyson to his life and all the beings around him and not to forget; I have also fallen in love with the Lady herself.

She's a beauty, and learning from the poem that she had sacrificed and died for her beliefs and not wanting to be confine to the rules imposed on her, makes me love her even more. Her beauty, her love for the people around her, her belief in finding her Lancelot, her bravery, her loneliness, her pain and her death seems so near to me. As if, I am her and I could somehow experience all her happiness and tragedies. I guess I never realized how a poem penned in 1833 would somehow bring such a great impact to someone in the year 2011. I know her so well...because in her I could see me clearly. I am her. I pained through all the experiences I had with the people and society around me. I was betrayed by the people around me for so many times. The pain and bitterness somehow had engulfed me; leaving me empty and shelled-inside. I guess that's the reason why I feel 'The Lady of Shallot' would be the perfect embodiment of myself. The only distinguished difference between us is that she had sacrificed herself for things and ideas that she believed in; and so far I have not reached to that moment as yet.

Why am I being so melancholic? Honestly, I have no idea. Seriously, I don't. Maybe looking back at my life all I could see were tears, anger, bitterness, disappointments, being cheated and the sense of aloofness and loneliness. It has been bottled up inside me all these years...and no, I never tried to deal or confront with it previously. I just let it loose somewhere in me, not knowing that it will come back to haunt me, disturbing me every single time. The nightmare seems to be more cruel and evil every single time. I may looked happy and smiling all around, but deep inside there's always this black, hollow and deep hole that will never recover and be fix by anyone or anything. It seems clearly to me now that half of me is dead; and if it's left there unattended, the other half might also follow to the dark and lonely path. I know I still have something left in me. I know things will never be the same again after the death of my Mama, but strangely I feel that I could come out from this misery and pain if I managed to find some things that are passionate and dear to me. Lo and behold, I think I know the answer. I would want to write again and express myself with my writing and poems. Mama knows how I can really write and she adores my poems. If it's going to make my Mama happy and proud from 'there', then writing it is. At least, it can be my source of liberation and freedom.

Hmmm....guess I have written quite some things up there. Well, that's a start since this is still my first post. At least, I sincerely feel I am slightly contend and purer now; compared to the previous me. I should end now, not because I am afraid what other people might think of my 'long' writing; but then again before I bore myself to death :)

I'm going to end my post with these beautiful words from the song 'If I Die Young'; which had touched me so profoundly : 

'If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them'


Love...

Reena :)